By A short play by Sharon Fogarty (C) 2004          Above photo, Rory DeSoto and Cast of 'heaven' 2000.

Cast of Characters:
Kerrie A female dog
about 3 years old, played by a young, slender woman
David Single male human, Kerrie’s owner

In the dark we hear panting. Lights come up on Kerrie, a young slender woman who stands downstage. She wears shorts and a tank top, no bra, no shoes, and a collar. David, her owner, sleeps beneath a blanket in a cot upstage.

KERRIE:
(to audience)
He’s not awake yet. I really, really have to pee.

She walks over to the David to gently sniff his face, then returns downstage.

KERRIE:
The sun is coming up. I’ll be patient. I love him so much. He smells so good. He’s so good. He’s so beautiful. I love him so much. I love him so…

She sees David stir in bed and runs to him. David has turned on his back and it is evident that he is starting to masturbate under the cover.

Kerrie approaches, sniffs the air a little, hops up to the bottom of the cot and starts to hump his leg.

DAVID
What? Kerrie no! Kerrie get down! Get!

Kerrie jumps down and sits on the floor, and lets out a tiny whine. She focuses on different points in the room, waiting, breathing and occasionally checking on David.

She hops to her feet and returns to talk to the audience. She maintains excitement over the next several lines.


KERRIE
We live up five flights but I hold it in until we get outside and I run really, really fast to the garbage pile and I pee and pee! Oh, it feels so good to pee. I love to pee so much.

David has finished masturbating.


KERRIE
I love him so much.

David starts to get out of bed.

DAVID
Alright, Kerrie, where’s your leash?! Where’s your leash?!

KERRIE
Here it is! Here it is!

David exits to use a toilet and put on some clothes. Kerrie runs to the bed and retrieves the leash.

KERRIE
It’s always right here. It’s always right here, under the bed.

DAVID
(from offstage)
That’s right! It’s always under the bed! Good dog.

KERRIE
I always know where the leash is! I’m so good. I’m a good dog.

DAVID
(from offstage)
Do you wanna go for a walk?!

KERRIE
Ahhhh! I’ll go! I’ll go! I always wanna go for a walk. I don’t care where we go. I can go anywhere. Go for a walk? Go for a walk? Yes! Yes! I am so good. I’m a good dog. I’m a good dog.

She waits, staring off stage. She waits some more.

KERRIE
(to audience)
I love him so much.

David returns, dressed to go out. He chases Kerrie.

DAVID
Yay!!! Give me that leash! Give me that leash!

KERRIE
Ahhhhhh!!! No, no, it’s mine. You can’t have it. It’s mine. I won’t give it up. You can’t have it. It’s mine… it’s mine…

David tries to take the leash from her. She growls. He growls back. She puts a piece of the leash in her mouth. David grabs the other end and puts it in his mouth. They both get down on all fours and continue to growl and stalk each other.

Finally David stands and points to Kerrie pretending that his hand is a gun. He pretends to shoot her and she freezes.

DAVID
Bang.

She rolls, grunts, and freezes in a pose.

DAVID
Bang.

She rolls, grunts and holds another pose.

DAVID
You’re dead.

She rolls, grunts and let’s her body go completely limp.

DAVID
Good girl.

David grabs a cell phone. Kerrie runs back and forth by the exit.


DAVID
Ooh, I got a message.

He pushes some buttons on his phone to see who called.

DAVID
Ooh, Desiree called me!

KERRIE
(to audience)
Desiree. Desiree. I know Desiree. Long dark hair. She smells like vagina.

DAVID
Hey baby. You rang? No, I didn’t listen yet, I just saw your number. Good morning, sexy, are we on for tonight?

KERRIE
They have sex in the bed. In the bed here. They have sex. In the bed they have sex. They have sex in the bed. Sometimes they’re having sex in the bed and I sit here. I’m not allowed to go in the bed if they have sex in the bed

Sometimes I’m hungry. I’ll be hungry soon. After I pee. I’m gonna be so hungry. They have sex in the bed here. It smells like vagina.

DAVID
What do you mean? When? You’re moving in with him? Well, what about us? No, I didn’t know you were seeing other people! No, we didn’t talk about that! I thought… You told… Wait! Let me finish…! You… You told me to not see other people because… I did so stop! I made you the only one! I made you the only one! Alright. Alright, you should have fucking told me! I got you a present. I bought a new bed. I thought we were gonna… I thought you were gonna… (he starts crying) You were gonna move in with me! You were gonna move in with me!



KERRIE
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. My love, my sweet love. My love. Don’t cry.

DAVID
How could you let me love you like that? How could you? (continues to cry) You knew that we… How could you? Can’t we even talk about this? I need to see you. Can I come over? No, I can leave Kerrie here.

KERRIE
Oh, no. Please. Take me. I’ll convince her because I am so good. I’ll be able to tell her that she should live here and she can bring her vagina. I don’t care if she even brings her cat. She can bring the pussy cat. I’ll be nice. I won’t bite the cat in the head. I’ll be a good dog. I’ll be a good dog and I won’t jump up when they’re having sex in the bed. When they’re having sex in the bed I won’t jump up. I won’t bite the cat in the head and I won’t jump up when they have sex in the bed. I’m a good dog. She can bring her pussy cat and her vagina.

(to audience)
I had a vagina but I don’t need it anymore because I have David. I love him so much. I love him so much.

David, in tears, hangs up the phone.

KERRIE
For some reason I don’t really have to pee any more. It’s such a habit you know? I do it just to be with him. But if he wasn’t here I probably wouldn’t have to pee, you know? It’s just to be with him. It’s just to be with David.

David sits with his head in his hands on the end of the cot and sobs. Kerrie joins him and caresses his head in her lap.



DAVID
I loved her so much. I was imagining that we would get married.

KERRIE
I know, David, I know. It’s alright.

DAVID
Oh, Kerrie, what the fuck is the matter with me? I loved her so much.

KERRIE
I know my love. Here. It’s alright. Let me hold you. I love you so much.

DAVID
Oh, Kerrie, I’m never gonna find anyone like her. How could she do that to me? How could she hurt me so much? What did I do wrong?

KERRIE
Nothing, my love. I love you. I am here. I will help you. You will feel better soon. This has happened before.

DAVID
How many times does this have to happen to me? It’s killing me. That bitch. That fucking bitch.

KERRIE
Shhhhh…. It’s alright, my love. This will only hurt for a little while. I love you. Rest, David, rest.


Lights fade.






Black Out – End Of Play