THE DEVIL OF DELANCEY STREET
BY SHARON FOGARTY
© 2005 A.D.

Cast of Characters

 Damian: A devil living in lower Manhattan, New York City.
 Mrs. Chaste: A widow in her forties
 Grace: Daughter to Mrs. Chaste, 16 years old, doubles as street person.
 Dr. Pang: Friend and protector of Mrs. Chaste, doubles as Man #2/street person/Vanbleau
 Pastor Beagle: Corrupt Minister, doubles as street person/Mr. Pratt/Man #3
 Delia: A Secretary, doubles as Woman #1/street person/Helga
 Sarafina: Angel, 2nd Class, doubles as Woman #2/street person
 Malachi: Angel, 3rd Class, doubles as Man #1/street person/Mr. Prick.

Set: Center stage depicts Delancey Street, Manhattan, circa 1939 (also becomes interior of a brothel). Up center stands an old fashioned telephone operator’s station. Stage left is Heaven, depicted by a globe lamp with the world painted on it. Further down stage left becomes the office of Pastor Beagle. Stage right switches between the offices of Dr. Pang and Mrs. Chaste’s typewriting area.

SFX Thunderstorm, accompanied by sounds of traffic.

Delia sits at a telephone operator’s desk up center stage. Wearing a headset, red dress and speaking with a Brooklyn accent, she busily patches in several telephone lines.

Amidst floating old newspapers, Chorus enters randomly, crossing the stage in slow motion, whispering their thoughts. Occasionally, as indicated below, thoughts become audible.

DELIA
(Speaks into headset as she’s busily patching in calls) One moment please. Checking. Hold and I’ll connect you. Transferring. Signal is busy. Please try your call later.

Delia listens into one call and we hear Woman #2’s thoughts.

WOMAN #2 (from chorus)
The doctors said there was virtually no hope. No, we didn’t have any insurance.

DELIA
Poor thing.

Whispering returns as Delia changes another call.

DELIA
One moment, checking that line.

Mrs. Chaste crosses from Chorus to her typewriter down right. She addresses the audience.

DELIA
Yes, Mrs. Mary Chaste. Hold on and I’ll connect you.

CHASTE
Everyone has an addiction.

DELIA
Go ahead please.

CHASTE
Something they secretly do too much of.

DELIA
Well, he’s a very busy man, but I’ll try.

In silhouette, Damian crosses to stage left. He also speaks to the audience.

DAMIAN
Everyone has an addiction.

DELIA
You’re connected, sir. Go ahead please.

DAMIAN
A secret friend they share with no one.

Mrs. Chaste stands and she and Damian look at each other for a brief moment.

CHASTE
…which causes them to wake each morning with a fair amount of self hatred…

DAMIAN
But this fades by evening time and we are enticed back.

CHASTE
My addiction is my typewriter: the oily smell, the keys, its precision, its forgiveness. Like a kitten, it approaches me for affection. I touch its keys and feel loved, or perhaps intoxicated.

DAMIAN
My addiction is…

Scene 1. Lights up full on Delancey Street, NYC. Chorus, including Delia move to become street people. Delancey Street theme swells to second movement.

DAMIAN
…My self! I’m addicted to my own behavior or what I often like to call the wet blanket syndrome!

A happy family enters, parents and a child with a balloon.

DAMIAN
I see a happy family and I somehow break the mood.

Damian spanks the butt of the child who is suddenly in tears, concerning the parents. All move on.

DAMIAN
I see an artist hard at work…

Enter a poet, writing in a notebook. A woman is walking in the opposite direction

DAMIAN
And I suddenly, expensively distract him.

Poet is distracted by a pretty woman walking by, puts away his notebook and follows her.

DAMIAN
A happy couple, well… you know.

A happy couple has entered the stage. Damian removes his cap for a moment, strokes the chin of the woman and she suddenly seems more interested in Damian than her partner. Damian puts his hat back on.

DAMIAN
You may ask why I do this. Why would I meddle in another’s happiness? I could blame my childhood. My adulthood? My death? In fact, it’s all of the above. I’d like to share my history, but for now, suffice it to say that I’m the devil. Well, not The Devil. Just A devil. Hence the accent. I’m the Devil of Delancey Street.

Damian starts to sing the song below overlapping the chorus members’ chants. After each recites his/her chant unenthusiastically, Damian’s song seems to depress them further. Their movement slows further until they stand still and join in his song.

SONG
DELANCEY STREET C, Fm, C, Fm

DAMIAN (sings)
With tired feet
Not much to eat
But this is life upon Delancey Street

The loudest cars
You’ve ever heard
The traffic crosses on the Williamsburg ( Men 2x)

(Fmaj, Bbm, Fm, Cmaj)
We hope and pray
A day will come
Some good luck falls upon
A bowery bum

C, Fm, C, Fm
But here we stand and feel defeat (Women 2x)
The only life we know, Delancey Street. (Men 2x)

Pedestrians begin to solicit on the street.

MAN #1
Gum! Only slightly used. Gum! Only slightly used.

MAN #2
Ties. Gently worn. Ties for all occasions. Gently worn.

WOMAN #1
Glue. Glue for sale. Forget your troubles. Come on get happy.

MAN #3
Thoughts, random thoughts. Some clever.

WOMAN #2
Small children. Two for a dollar. Children for sale.

ALL (Sing)
This is Life Upon Delancey Street.



MAN #1 (speaks over music)
(to Man #2) Are you going to the funeral?

MAN #2
Who died?

MAN #1
Don’t know. But there’s a buffet.

MAN #3
You don’t say.

WOMAN #1
Free buffet? Is it anyone I know?

WOMAN #2
Free? Can we bring children?

MAN #2
Yes! Let’s bring the children to the funeral for the free food.

Lights fade.

Scene 2. Scene returns back to Mrs. Chaste typing, the crowd starts to gather as if at a funeral. Delia has returned to her station.

DELIA
I’m sorry. Did you get disconnected? Let me try that line again.

CHASTE
Where was I?

DELIA
Please hold.

CHASTE
Oh, yes.

DELIA
Go ahead, please.

CHASTE
I wrote at first to entertain my daughter. She would go to sleep at night and I would leave a story at the foot of her bed each morning. One man was kind enough to publish these.

Lights also come up on Heaven where Sarafina is on the phone and Malachi stands by.

DELIA
She’s on the line. Are you there?

SARAFINA
Yes. I’m listening.

DELIA
Go ahead please.

CHASTE
But almost as soon as they were published, my books were banned as being unsuitable for children, too filled with ghost stories, tales of witches and the supernatural. I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. I was simply writing what I felt was fun and entertaining. But suddenly, I was seen as a criminal. And in the eyes of the church, I was seen as someone who was sinful, marred, someone who had been tempted by darkness.

Lights stay dim over Mrs. Chaste. Lights up to full on Heaven.

SARAFINA
Malachi? She’s back.

MALACHI
Who?

SARAFINA
Mary Chaste.

MALACHI
The writer? Is she no longer afraid of the repercussions?

SARAFINA
Her husband died. Don’t you read the Daily Deceased?

Malachi listens on the phone.

MALACHI
Oh my…

SARAFINA
She’ll need inspiration as her stories develop.

MALACHI
Yes, she’s been censored.

SARAFINA
She’ll need time to find her original voice.

CHORUS (sing a chord)
Ahh…

MALACHI
Oh yes, that voice that will benefit our purpose.

CHORUS (sing a chord again)
Ahh…

MALACHI
Sarafina, what is our purpose again?

SARAFINA
We don’t know yet.

MALACHI
Of course.

SARAFINA
We must remember to not get too carried away with the story. Humans need to eat and sleep and cannot live by their art alone.

MALACHI
Yes, art is good with lunch.


SARAFINA
Yes.

MALACHI
Or dinner.

SARAFINA
Shhh…. Watch.

Lights fade on Heaven and return to Mrs. Chaste.

Music: Delancey Street Theme returns.

CHASTE
It was my husband who first found my books immoral. He stood by the church’s decision that my stories were inappropriate for young readers. He allowed, no, he initiated the burning of my books. I barely spoke for years, except to my daughter. I kept my typewriter clean but never wrote again until today. You see today my husband miraculously died.

Music stops.

Grace crosses from chorus to Mrs. Chaste.

GRACE
Mommy, we have to go.

CHASTE
I don’t want to.

GRACE
We have to.

CHASTE
You go. He was your father.

GRACE
He was your husband. Come on, Mommy, we have to go.

Chorus assists in separating Mrs. Chaste from her typewriter, storing the typewriter stage left and leading Mrs. Chaste towards the funeral.

CHASTE
I don’t want to. I really don’t want to.

Music: Let Us Pray (slowly, bridge only)

Scene 3. Funeral. Organ music plays slowly. Chorus gathers around an imaginary or ridiculously small coffin.

MAN#1 (slightly drunk)
Excuse me? Excuse me, who’s the man in the coffin? I say, who died exactly? A very hand some man.

MAN#2
Very physical. Do you think he was a trapeze artist?

MAN#1
A lion tamer?

DELIA
He was a lawyer. I was his secretary.

WOMAN #2
Was he married?

DELIA
Yes, had a daughter I think.

MAN #2
Did he die on the trapeze.

DELIA
No. He was a lawyer. His name was Mr. Marvin Chaste.

WOMAN #2
Did he die in court?

MAN #1
Did the lion kill him?

DELIA
I think he fell somewhere.

MAN #1
Did he fall from the trapeze?

WOMAN #2
He’s very… tan.

MAN #2
Are lawyers generally tan?

DELIA
He was very proud of his tan.

MAN #1
Yes, it’s good to die with a tan.

SONG
LET US PRAY
Chorus
(All) Dm, G
Let us pray for the good Mr. Chaste
Hope his life wasn’t too much of a waste
Had a child and wife we believe
Had a fall which is why we grieve.

(Bb, C, F, Dm, Bb, C, D (maj.)
Let us, let us pray as we are gathered here today oh let us
Let us let us pray for this dear man.
Let us, let us pray quickly he’s starting to decay of let us
Let us let us pray for this queer man (2 meas. D maj.)


MAN #1 (speaks over music)
Did the lion try to eat him?

DELIA
No. He was a lawyer.

WOMAN #2
If he were a trapeze artist I bet he would be the one who catches.

MAN #2
Hate to think of catching him.

WOMAN #2
What’s to become of his wife?

DELIA
Mr. Chaste was very wealthy. I’m sure Mrs. Chaste and her daughter will be well looked after.

MAN #1
Was she a trapeze artist as well?

DELIA
No, she wrote children’s stories I believe.

WOMAN #2
How lovely.

DELIA
Actually no. They were banned for being too disgusting for the children.

MAN #1
Was there a lion in them?

DELIA
No. They were all about ghosts and witches and… What’s that word?

WOMAN #2
Demons?

MAN #2
Gangsters?

MAN #1
Lawyers?

DELIA
No! The male word for witch.

CHASTE
Warlocks.

(All Sing)
Dm, G
Let us pray for the good Mr. Chaste
Very handsome he had a lot of taste
Let us pray maybe down on our knees
Very sad when he fell from the trapeze

(Bb, C, F, Dm, Bb, C, D (maj.)
Let us let us pray as we are gathered here today oh let us
Let us let us pray for this dear man.
Let us let us pray quickly he’s starting to decay oh let us
Let us let us pray for this queer man.

MAN #2 (speaks over music)
Shouldn’t there be a priest here?


DELIA
Pastor Beagle. He’s running late because he’s very distraught.

MAN#1
Because his name is Beagle?

DELIA
No, he and Mr. Chaste were very close.

ALL
Oh.

DELIA
Mr. Chaste was very generous, in an overwhelming way, to the church.

WOMAN #2
It’s nice to give money to charity.

MAN #2
This is a beautiful church.

DELIA
Fantastic chandelier.

WOMAN #2
That tapestry must be priceless.

MAN#1
The statues are magnificent.

All agree, “Yes, yes”, etc.

MAN #1
That’s a very muscular Jesus.

ALL sing:
Let us pray for the man in the box
From his head to his pink and yellow socks
Hoping heaven will treat him with some fame
Here on earth couldn’t remember his name.

ALL
Let us, let us pry
GRACE
His skin’s the color of potatoes
All
Oh, let us, let us let us pray
MAN #1
I think he’s wearing a toupee
All
Oh let us, let us, let us pray
WOMAN #2
Let’s put his coffin on a sleigh
All
Oh let us, let us, let us pray
DELIA
This funeral is so cliché
All
Oh let us, let us, let us pray
MAN #2
Shall we move onto the buffet
All
Oh let us, let us, let us pray
MRS. CHASTE
I think that painting’s by Monet
All
Oh let us, let us, let us pray…
GRACE
Does anyone realize he’s…

The Chorus as started to boogie a bit inappropriately and are immediately sobered by the entrance of Pastor Beagle.

BEAGLE
(bellows, stopping the music) Silence!!!

Music calms to almost nothing.

MAN #1
Is that Pastor Doberman?

DELIA
Beagle. Pastor Beagle.

(Theme Go to Hell Instrumental plays in background)

BEAGLE
A moment of silence for the beloved deceased. Oh, I see his widow is here. And the bastardess. Greetings and welcome to our church. We haven’t seen you here in a long, long time, Mrs. Chaste. Lord, may we ask for your pity on this decrepit woman, her feeble soul outliving the strength of her husband. Being a woman of the streets…

CHASTE
Pastor Beagle…

BEAGLE
And a thief of money that didn’t belong to her.

GRACE
Mother, do something.

CHASTE (to Grace)
It’s alright, Grace.

BEAGLE
We ask that you look out for her for the good of all she encounters. (to Mrs. Chaste). I’m hoping that you haven’t been tempted to return to your bookwriting, Mrs. Chaste.

GRACE
She hasn’t written in years, you prick.

BEAGLE
Demon child from a demon bride. The devil speaks through you both.

CHASTE
Pastor Beagle, I pray that you resume to the funeral at hand, for your good friend, Marvin?

BEAGLE
Of course, let us not stare distractedly into the headlights of evil, which can tempt one away from one’s true purpose. Dear Lord, we ask that you watch over the soul of our close friend, Mr. Marvin Chaste, a man of high caliber. His strength, his beauty will be missed. His life of service to the church will not go unnoticed.

ALL
Let us pray.

BEAGLE
For the drapery he donated to the hallway, mauve with a touch of gilt in the fringe, let us pray.

ALL
Amen.

BEAGLE
For the Jacuzzi he had built in the baptismal font, let us pray.

ALL
Amen.

BEAGLE
For the vanilla-almond recipe now used in our communion wafers, let us pray.

ALL
Amen.

BEAGLE
(breaks down) Oh, Marvin, Marvin, Marvin. Come back. Come back.

He is restrained by the parishioners, saying, “There, there,” etc.

Music fades.

BEAGLE
I wrote a little prayer. (opens paper)
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Who’s very glad you converted from Jew.
And managed to find through your hard work and strife.
So much time for the Church, far away from your wife.
For though you took care of the child she bore.
Your true love was here, far away from that whore.

Grace runs to attack Pastor Beagle and is held back in mid-jump by the crowd.

GRACE
You dogfaced bastard!

CHASTE
Gracie, no!

BEAGLE
Temper, temper. It’s always hard when the truth comes out, isn’t it, child?

Grace spits in Beagles’s face.

CHASTE
Gracie, stop it!

BEAGLE
Perfect.

CHASTE
(to crowd) Let go of her.

They put her down.

BEAGLE
Let us move to the reception.

All exit except for Mrs. Chaste and Grace.

CHASTE
Are you alright?

GRACE
Why don’t we just kill him, Mommy?

CHASTE
I would like to, dear.

GRACE
I hate him, Mommy, I hate him and his bullshit church.

CHASTE
Watch your language, Grace. Not all churches are bullshit.

GRACE
This one is.

CHASTE
I know, dear, I know.

Lights fade as they gather their things and exit. 


Thanks for reading.  For complete script, kindly contact sharon@sharonfogarty.com.
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